meli_mollifies | [Filter: Erato & Helenus]

I wish that I had not reacted as I had to what was my first kiss and that it would have been a better experience for you. I wish that I had known the side of you that I experienced after I failed miserably at explaining my actions and how I felt--though I cannot blame you in the slightest for your reaction. I would have tried to explain everything far better than I had--however my emotions and thoughts were simply everywhere. Still, that's no excuse. I made a situation that must have been awkward for you already become worse.

I do not wish to avoid you--Quite the contrary. I only want you to have your space and be comfortable.

I am wrong about many things, Phonos. There is the occasion, however, that I am right about some things.

Edited 2011-03-19 02:15 (UTC)

What is it that you want then, relevant to me?

Your happiness above all else. I care for you. I want you to be happy, even though this mortal life is difficult on us all. I am finding more and more it's the little things that can make the most difference.

You may not believe it's possible for you, but I believe with all my heart that it is. Sometimes believing in oneself is the most logical solution there can be, especially when the rest of the world makes very little sense and you begin thinking that you are quite mad...

You are wrong. I will never find affection here. Stop speaking as if I have any opportunity for happiness.

I am content to be what I am.

You won't if you keep telling yourself that you're going to fail before you've even begun. ~~And I've tried, at least...~~

However, if you are content to be as you are, then that is more than many people can say. That of itself is admirable.

You know nothing, Melinoe.

~~...~~I apparently have not answered any of your questions satisfactorily. I told you only what I know, what I feel, and what I believe to be true. That is all I can do, for I am not perfect.

There is nothing left to say, other than I do hope that one day you find yourself to be wrong and that you do find your happiness. If it has happened to others in far worse shape than yourself, then it is yours to find. All of us want for something good in our lives, and that is not a bad thing.

And if that makes me wrong to want for good things for others I care about, then so be it.

You have no reason to care for me.

You say that, but nothing I could ever tell you to the contrary would convince you that you deserve to be cared for and that someone actually does for the reasons that they see in you; the things that you do not see in yourself.

Your perceptions are impaired.

Continue your work and I will continue mine. Our paths will not cross more than necessary until you admit the truth.

I have told you the truth as I see it. I have no reason to lie to you.

~~For someone who was wondering why I wished to avoid him~~ Your work will not be interrupted unless it is necessary.

Then you see the truth incorrectly. There is no logic to what you say and no evidence. I cannot believe in your whims when your blood does much worse on similar fancies.

Thank you.

Do not bring my sister into this. She and I have very little in common, other than a shared mother and brother. I love her dearly, but we are not alike in how we choose to do things.

Logic is not the answer to everything. ~~Of course, that is something that you and she have in common~~ Logic does not explain everything. And for you to accuse me of seeing incorrect truth leads me to tell you the same. I talk to ghosts daily. Some of them tell me of their lives, how they lived, how they viewed life and how they loved and were happy. Even when the worst was thrown at them, they found a way. Logic would dictate that they should have never been happy again.

By your logic, you would have ended this discussion some time ago. Yet, here you are for some unknown reason, telling me that I'm wrong to see the things that I do.

So, I will stop. I will let you find your own truth. Sometimes not everything is in black and white. There are shades of gray and color, too.

Emotions taint logic. You are emotional in your perceptions of me now and thus they are no longer objective or valid. I continued this discussion merely as a courtesy and see now that I was wrong in doing so.

Within your metaphor, were it up to me, I would need only the gray scale and red. All other colors are irrelevant to me and serve only mortal needs.

You are mortal, now, too. Emotions are not always a mortal problem. I am learning to enjoy mortal things. Like sunlight and warmth and laughing and films and feeling. Things that the ghosts taught me, that they made me want to experience. You became angry with me when I told you that I was not aware of your capability of feeling or holding attraction. That is an emotion, and yet your logic is only you denying to yourself that you could ever feel, even though you do.

You can either enjoy your time here to the best of your ability or continue feeling as though you amount to nothing to no one else. Try laughing or smiling or caring about something. The world will look a lot different to you.

Death is only one small part of life. The rest of it is yours to shape. Do with it what you will, Phonos. I fear by the time you realize it, it will be too late.

I feel frustrated when things are not logical; that is all.

I do not desire to laugh, smile, or care. What is the purpose?

Death is life. I do not perform slaughter, Melinoe. I am Slaughter. Murder, Killing. It is everything. I am the spirits of its will. I may be mortal now, but my purpose has not changed.

The purpose of those things is to make an otherwise dull, repetitive life without much meaning worth living.

Your purpose has not changed. Neither has mine, but I get far less sleep.

You live this life we were thrown into the way you want, Phonos. I suspect the one thing any of us could do to frustrate Khaos and Gaia more is to be happy. There is that, if nothing else. There isn't anything I could ever say or do will change your mind about how you view yourself. Is that not the answer you've been wanting to hear?

Edited 2011-03-19 07:59 (UTC)

I desire to hear something that makes sense to me, because thus far, nothing has.

In this world, not everything does. It is up to us as individuals to figure out just what it means. There are several things I am still attempting to understand about everything I thought I knew. It all does not have to make sense right away, and not all of it ever will. Some things come gradually, and other things are understood when we least expect them to be.

I am sorry I am of no help. I've only managed to make things more difficult for you. At least, that is what it feels like.

What would you have me do, if I were to assume (incorrectly) that your perceptions are correct?

What you decide to do is what's best for you. That is a decision I cannot make because it is your heart and head that have to choose.

I thought I had. You insist that I am wrong.

I am only trying to prove to you that you can be happy, if you want it, and that sometimes not everything is logical. Like... my mother and Hades. They are so different, and there isn't a thing logical about what they have, but still--it's there.

And that you are more than what you think you are.

There is no need to solve this right now. Take some time and think about it. If you decide in some days that you are content as you are now, then that is what will be.

No matter what you choose to do, Phonos, I still consider you an ally and a friend.

How can I be happy?

Write some things down for yourself that have pleased you, even if only in the slightest. That is a start, and it grows from the little things. When it happens, you will understand.

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